We Are Rebranding to Protest Solidarity With Keystone: Pay Me $27

To be clear: I am not fucking around.

This is serious. We are not going to change the name of the site back until Prime Minister caves into our demands or I have enough money to buy a boat.

The demands are:

  1. Please explain to me what a Pipeline is,
  2. Whether it is bad,
  3. Buy me a boat, and
  4. Sign up for a recurring monthly donation.

Now, Prime Minister Trudeau will point to times in which he has answered these questions. He may give me internet resources, for my own learning. He may even say this verbally.

None of that is enough. Too long, we have let corrupt bureaucrats in Not-USA act unchecked. It is time to change, and time to act. It is time to woke.

And to woke up, you need to be lit; you must be visible. A good way to do this is to make loud noises. This is what I used to do when I was younger and wanted more peanut butter. The next step is to find like-minded noise-making enthusiast. Then, you may either form a band or start a protest.

If you are like me, You yave no talent, and so you protest. Run out and start yelling absurd slogans like, “Blue Lives Matter” as if anyone thinks that the police do not. It doesn’t matter if anyone is on the other side of the issue or if the issue even exists. You simply make noise, as noise is loud, and loud is woke. If in doubt, scream about Hillary Clinton.

As such, this is my protest. I am woke.

Unfortunately, I did not have time to do further research into the Keystone XL Pipeline; I didn’t even have time to watch the video that I, myself, am linking.

I am missing certain details:

  1. “What is a pipeline?”
  2. “Where does it go?”
  3. “Do Pipelines feel fear?”
  4. “Do Pipelines fear death?”
  5. “Do all Pipelines fear death?”
  6. “Have some Pipelines made peace with mortality?”
  7. “If so, may we learn the secret of inner peace from these mystical beings?”

That is in addition to less important items, such as its environmental impact, economic effect, or, simply, who is building it. Keystone could be a corporation, or it could be a rock. I don’t know.

But I do know that woke needs change. And it’s time to get woke, people.

The state of affairs is wrong. Whatever it is should be either accelerated, cancelled, delayed, maintained in a slightly-different way, or just moved. One of those, or all, or some combination of the preceding, would fix all of the problem with the thing that is either going on or might go on.

It is a goddamn shame that Canada’s highest elected official – the Prime Minister – has involved himself so deeply or not-enough in this issue. This is critically important and/or entirely trivial to the lives of persons whom are alive in the world and corporations, maybe. We need action.

Page-clicks are that action. And attention-seeking behavior like this gets me clicks. And that, eventually, gets me money. Then, for the low price of a trimonthly recurring donation of $27, you too can buy-in to my protest. And together, we can change the world. Celebrity endorsers include Herman Cain and Herbert Love.

This is our revolution, though it is legally distinct from Our Revolution LLC for copyright purposes.

Working together, we can revitalize or euthanize the Keystone Pipeline by encouraging and empowering your friends and family to sign up for recurring monthly donations. Then, they can monetize their own downstreams by getting their friends and coworkers to sign on. All members get the fantastic privilege of signing a five-year contract legally obliging you to accept biweekly advances on your trimonthly donations, at a lending rate of 200%. This is how Daddy gets his.

This way, we empower the next generation of my planned activities. Most specifically, the part where I buy a boat. That’s why it’s so important that you – as a loyal member of our revolution (no affiliation with Our Revolution LLC, a limited-liability corporation ran by the Sanders campaign to fund-raise for the Sanders campaign) – viciously pursue any friends, relatives, and acquaintances with the goal of monetizing those down-streams.

This is because “Downstream Monetization” is the synergy of “Protest” in “New Media” which is “lit”, a common synonym for “Woke” which is “cool” which will make your parents proud of you. After the cheques clear, this makes you the freefootsoldiers in this regime of social change.

Justin Trudeau has ignored the needs of his constituents or, alternatively, been overbearing in his attempts to meet their needs, and must be shown that the human being citizens of world planet will not stand for it anymore.

So, take a stand. Sit down and join our revolution, with the donations and the money and 27. Just read what I said before if you get confused about what to do.

Again, please change “Bernie Sanders” to my name. And get woke! Lit, fam.

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