Now that Trump has clinched the nomination, it’s only natural that we look further down the road to see who he’s going to pick as his running mate. Some members of the lame-stream media have floated ridiculous candidates like Nikki Haley or Marco Rubio, but freefootballscholarships is here to correct the record. Listed below are seven perfect Vice Presidential Candidates. I guarantee America’s next Veep is on this list.
1. Paul Ryan: obviously, Speaker Ryan would be a dream candidate for Donald Trump. Not only would the pick unite the party, but he brings strong bipartisan appeal to a potentially unbalanced ticket. It’s unclear whether Ryan would leave his cushy position as speaker (as well as sacrifice a potential Presidential bid in 2020) but if he did he would add a lot to the ticket.
2. Silento: Rapper and Stanky Leg-inventor Silento took the world by storm with his 2015 radio hit “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)”. While an unconventional choice, Silento has a lot to offer any potential Presidential ticket. He brings with him an uncommon maturity and the type of grace under pressure that Donald Trump solely lacks. This bold selection would help Trump appeal to minority voters, particularly those in African American communities throughout the United States.
3. John McCain: this Arizona Senator has been a long-serving, loyal member of the American Republican Party. After losing to Obama in 2008, McCain no longer seemed to hold presidential aspirations. This would make him a perfect candidate to replace Joe Biden as Vice President. You see, generally the best Veeps aren’t those gunning for the top job (as Joe Biden did and Paul Ryan and Silento would do) but rather those that are content to serve at their elected level. This is because a content Veep will put the needs of the administration or the party above their own political aspirations.
4. Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box: another unorthodox choice, Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box has remained off-the-radar since they were released as part of Radiohead’s underwhelming 2001 album Amnesiac. Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box would appeal to young voters who don’t feel represented by the establishment. Furthermore, polls have shown a surprising overlap between supporters of Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box and supporters of Democratic challenger Bernie Sanders. Such a pick may allow Trump to gain inroads in that demographic.
5. Polio: now, Polio has been almost entirely eradicated by the Polio Vaccine. In America, Polio is at an all time low. Under Trump’s narrative, the decline of Polio coincides perfectly with the decline of mainstream America. Much of Trump’s campaign is focussed on regressively turning back time to the halcyon days of a bygone era. Associating the campaign with Polio would only strengthen that association in the minds of Americans.
6. John Boehner: former Speaker Boehner would add a lot of colour to the ticket. A famous orange man, Boehner was known for his bipartisan support and his ability to make a deal. This would endear him to Trump supporters who seem to value this sort of thing.
7. You: yes, you. You’re stylish, you’re smart, and the gum you like is going to come back in style.